hours spent pursuing a version of a hidden self that used to scare me.
one that embodies my pains and my joys.
undiscovered, and bubbling from the rocky soil of a soul that still manages to be fertile at high altitudes and extremely high temperatures.
your light looks like lava.
and so does mine.
red tinted photons light my bedroom and it pleases me.
it reminds me of fires that we’ve learned to avoid from experience.
touched stoves become teaching grounds for optimistic toddlers who need swift lessons in life if they are to survive.
and become greater than the limits and constraints that the world looks so eagerly forward to placing on them.
don’t accept them.
from journeying across the Savannas, land bridges, Nile rivers and middle passages, searching for homes that were never meant to be constructed of wood, stone, earth, water or air…
…all that’s left for us is the blazing, beautiful, purging, fire.
are so colorful
when i fall asleep,
the palettes always
look more vivid than
the ones in the real world
assuming it’s a world…
and not scrambled computer code
in a simulation that we’ll make one day
…and forget about
a game of definitions, honestly
at this point,
i think i’m okay with that
being told what something is,
or should be,
by people who barely know me,
but by some advanced and divine revelation,
know what’s best for me,
and who i need to become…
…as if i’ve never heard the God in me on my own.
i suppose everything comes full circle.
and “i love you” gets encoded, scrambled and mistranslated along the way.
i pi you too.
it feels like,
sea voyages, and islands visible from afar, backward flowing currents pulling me away,
slowly enough to not lose sight of the palm trees and soft sand,
but fast enough to turn my paddling into place holding with no propulsion,
closeness never felt so far.
sight never felt so blind.
and letting this current pull me further from you is the most addictive pain.
what would happen if i let go?
would you notice?
i was never too keen on swimming
it wasn’t as secure as walking
and far less common in the city i grew up in
where the way you walked could easily define you
i was used to
it was familiar
but i watched and wondered from many pool sides
to be fair
i admired the arms and legs
slicing through blue liquid
propelling cookie and cream bodies
that seemed to be so fearless
unconcerned with the possibility of
so i watched
in fear and in longing
i only watched
i get the same feeling when i think of you
the same fear
the same longing
i’ve never been too keen on swimming
how about you?
i need to get back to writing
but the termites of disappointment
have eaten so many of my pencils
i must see how many number nines
God has hidden in this cloudy mind of mine
to get back to writing
i still dream vividly
when the clouds break at night
and i’m moved
We are eternities; muses.
We are eternity’s muses.
Inspired by: @
My 3:04 AM Dilemma.
I have music in my head that I don’t know how to play.
And I see colors in my dreams that I don’t know how to paint when I wake up.
I see shapes that I can barely sketch, and numbers that would take me far too long to calculate with my TI-83 from high school, so it feels like my hands are tied.
The closest I can come to expressing it is writing words that explain the way that they make me feel. I’m fairly good at that, but only describing the emotions behind what I’m actually seeing and hearing is limiting. Even though, I can write vividly and I’m masterful with imagery——I wish you could see it for yourself.
I wish I could offer guided tours into my mind.
But I’m always in here alone.
Maybe it’s best that way.
Thank you for lifting my soul each time I wasn’t strong enough to lift it on my own.
Thank you for being divine when my humanity kept me from breathing.
Your mahogany pigment, sweet aroma and magnetic consciousness won’t let me leave you alone.
For touching the core of me with such little effort.
I love you, deeply.
And you love me the same.
I look forward to finding out who you are.
Tell me where you are right now,
I promise I’ll hop on the first thought smoking,
Out of this solar system,
Past those constellations that tease me,
Where we first met,
I think I remember the way,
But if you could just sing to my heart again so that it jogs my memory,
And so that I don’t get lost while I find my way for the millionth time,
Back to you,
Back to us,
Back to God,